Kamelot - Poetry For the Poisoned [2010]

No streak can last forever. Eventually Queensryche released Empire, eventually Crimson Glory dumbfounded with the banal Strange and Beautiful., and eventually Coroner came out with... okay, so that's one officially spotless band. In the tradition of the aforementioned disappointments, Kamelot delivered this half-baked mess after one of the most staggering strings of stupendous albums in power metal's existence. Everything from Karma (and not a note before) to Ghost Opera was melodic metal gold through and through, especially The Black Halo, a perfect record that I consider to be among the greatest ever produced. I once thought of 2007's appropriately titled Ghost Opera as a watered down misstep, but my opinion of it has only grown with time. Unfortunately, after one and a half years, I cannot say the same for its followup, Poetry For the Poisoned.

As with the Nevermore album also released in 2010, pre-launch signs were ominous. Single "The Great Pandemonium" didn't exactly whet my appetite with its annoying whispered vocals or completely forgettable chorus; and although I like his work for other bands and love his musical work for his own group, I never could quite dig the confusingly dark cover art penned by Septicflesh's Spiros Antinou here. Seriously, what the hell is that and what is it doing on a Kamelot album? Upon finally listening to it in full, however, I found it all too reflective of the music held within. The most important element of Kamelot apart from the obvious, melodic curb appeal is undoubtedly the uplifting and often passionate emotional quality that goes into their music. That's simply missing here. It's all been hidden under some dark veil of false maturity, succumbing to mild-mannered ennui. The liveliness, the joy, the energy... for the most part, they're missing or at least obscured to the point of near absence.

Of course, in a simpler observation, the actual songs are neither as effective nor as memorable as on earlier efforts. First of all, many are simply recycled with lesser results. "House on a Hill" is the obligatory power ballad with female vocals, but it doesn't even get close to the beauty and emotion of previous tries like "The Haunting" or "Love You to Death." "Once Upon a Time" is a carbon copy of previous fast, energetic numbers "When the Lights Go Down" and "Silence of the Darkness," but this time the fun and bounciness is out of the picture. Such shortcomings are technically intangible, but when one experiences a record as free from feeling as this, there's really nothing else to say. The lowest point of the record comes with the four part title track, which is a confused and ultimately pointless attempt at being progressive. After wasting too much time with trying to be fancy and profound, the song just awkwardly fades into oblivion. It's all too weird for this band, and not in a good way.

Not all is bad, however, and I shouldn't make it sound as if Poetry For the Poisoned is some type of irredeemable travesty of the ages. Some embers of the blinding light we're accustomed to from Kamelot still flicker here and there. "The Zodiac" is a powerful and atmospheric tune helped by the legendary vigorous guest spot of Jon Oliva, and one of the only forays into self-aware darkness included that doesn't utterly fail. "If Tomorrow Came" is a strange but efficiently modern piece that shows a an odd side of the band. "Necropolis" possesses something largely absent from the rest of the proceedings: a riff, and a tasty Crimson Glory-like one at that. My favorite track is probably "Hunter's Season," a great power metal anthem that rolls as easily as anything else here. For one sudden flash, I could have sworn I saw the glory and prowess once so strong in this band; but alas, it's all too brief and we're stuck with the rest of this soggy setlist.

Production-wise, everything is softer and more theatrical this time around, taking Ghost Opera's style and draining it of almost all of what made it interesting. Roy Khan's talent and range have sadly deteriorated over the years, but never have I noticed his inadequacy as I have here. Reluctantly I must say that his departure from the band might end up being a blessing in disguise. Hell, even the lyrics are worse. Where there were once eloquent stories of passion and pain (sometimes conceptual), Poetry For the Poisoned regresses into simplistic and often excessively enigmatic musings--rather ironic for an album with the word "poetry" right there on the cover. It all comes together as one cohesively mediocre, mundane release. I'd count it among my most significant musical disappointments, and a release that I'm definitely not confident Kamelot can come back from. To use a cliched expression, Poetry For the Poisoned sounds like a shark-jumping to me, and one that leaves a rather bitter taste after ingesting its poisoned contents.

   Overall: 5.25/10 (Mediocre - hit the brakes now)

Lantlôs - Agape [2011]

I really, really like the post-black metal movement. Enslaved's latest work continues to enthrall with its cascading melodies, intensely enveloping riffs, and post-rock elements while Alcest never fails to evoke wonder in its light, airy fairyland of shoegaze mastery. Other bands like Blut Aus Nord are providing their usual atmospheric approach while incorporating industrial touches. However, just as this expansive and still young genre's best moments can provide some of the best music available, its worst moments can be interminable exercises in tedium. Unfortunately, Lantlôs, yet another project Alcest's Neige is affiliated with, falls closer to the latter category. There's just not a whole lot going on here.

To be fair, I shouldn't lead anyone to believe that Neige possesses the majority of creative control here. This is first and foremost Herbst's project, as he performs the bass parts, plays guitar, and writes the lyrics. The music itself is slightly rawer and 'blacker' than Alcest, forgoing the dream-like, uplifting style for something more traditionally dark. That would be perfectly fine if these songs actually went somewhere or did anything. The sound in itself is still passable at worst, but as it stands, Agape meanders endlessly with slooooow passages, forgetting to create any atmosphere to go along with them. Neige does provide the vocals, though his wonderful cleans are almost entirely absent (barring opener "Intrauterin") and his harsh vocals, which make up the majority of the release, are no where near as emotional or interesting as on Ecailles de Lune.

Of these five tracks, only "Eribo - I Collect the Stars" fully pulled me into Herbst's capable vision, briefly mesmerizing with the most captivating melody on the record. Brief seems to be a theme here, with a plain lazy 35 minute run time that sadly feels longer than it should while barely exceeding EP length; and I like short albums. It might seem as if I'm not going far enough in depth on the contents of Agape, but that's a direct reflection of the album itself: there's really not much to talk about. It's not truly bad in any way, it's just sorta... here. I would still recommend fans of this type of metal to sample Agape in any way that doesn't require a blind monetary investment, as some might find something here that I didn't. However, in the end there's just too much stick and not enough carrot for my tastes.

   Overall: 5.5/10 (Mediocre)

Battle Beast - Steel [2011]

In the case of Battle Beast's debut full length Steel, the cover art perfectly depicts the music beneath it. The image is amateurish, looking as if a middle schooler lost in a fantasy world sketched it on his desk in the middle of chemistry, not realizing that he is restricting himself in the intelligence department by not paying attention in the process. Couple that with the desperately "metal" logo and band name, and one could surmise that this is somebody who has dreams that far surpass his ability to actually make them come true. Well, this band is no different. Battle Beast plays a bare bones 80's heavy metal style with some anthemic keyboards sprinkled underneath, and the results mostly end up faring just as cheesily as its laughable cover. This is simply stupid power metal at its most unremarkable.

Built upon mid-paced riffs that are liberally borrowed from the heydays of bands like Dio and Dokken, most songs on Steel completely fail to stand apart from one another. Combine that with the mind-numbingly repetitive choruses (most evident on the painful "The Band of the Hawk"), and the charm the album exudes during its first half quickly fades into oblivion with its second. In the midst of this hairspray-polluted fairyland, only female vocalist Nitte Valo provides a convincing performance, putting forth just as much power, grit, and range as any man could, even if her voice does sound a bit overwrought at times. Unfortunately, her inspiration just makes the ridiculously juvenile lyrics more disappointing. I'm sorry, but I'd personally like to see more effort than songs titled "Justice and Metal" (chorus repeated ad nauseum) and "Enter the Metal World." We get it; you're a fucking metal band. Grow up.

Granted, the album does have a few strengths, mostly coming in the form of some songs several cuts above the rest. "Armageddon Clan" strikes with a fierce power missing from the rest of the mix, and I must reluctantly admit that the title track is insanely catchy despite its lyrics making me want to hurl. "Victory" is a memorable closer, going for a subtler power than the other tracks. However, the highlights are simply too sparse to warrant listening to this again. Steel is a mildly enjoyable album upon first listen, but in its attempt to win me over with repetition, its overly insistent onslaught of melody only drives me away from it. I can see how this brand of empty-headed metal might appeal to those looking for a good time, but for me, the proceedings are a just a tad too dumb. Maybe next time will be different.

   Overall: 5/10 (Mediocre)

Dream Theater - A Dramatic Turn of Events [2011]

After the departure of Mike Portnoy, even the most obsequious Dream Theater fans had doubts concerning the band’s future. Although I couldn’t have cared less after snoozefest records like Systematic Chaos and Black Clouds and Silver Linings, many thought they simply couldn’t go on without their fellated drummer. Personally, however, I thought any change might aid this ailing group treading on way past their prime. With the reveal of the new album’s cheap, thoughtless cover and its ridiculously immature title, Dream Theater came back with new material faster than many expected. Unfortunately, while people were concerned with new drummer Mike Mangini, they should have been worried about the value of the songs themselves.

A Dramatic Turn of Events doesn’t divert from the typical Dream Theater formula in the slightest. They still have stupidly overlong songs, reaching the 10-12 minute range often (yet with no contents ingenious enough to justify any tracks over six). They still have their down-tuned, mysteriously familiar “progressive” riffing. James Labrie still holds his nasally, overtly powerless voice, which many imitators have far surpassed years ago. The direction here is like a hybrid of Dream Theater’s early 90’s records and Octavarium, though the results live up to neither camps. Besides the abominable Falling into Infinity and the aforementioned (and sadly underrated) Octavarium, A Dramatic Turn… is their lightest and most commercial recording yet. Even in their daunting length, the tracks carry a rather conventional verse-chorus structure for the most part, with big, radio-friendly choruses everywhere you look. John Petrucci manages some competent solos, but my eyes were glazing over all the while.

At the end of the day, A Dramatic Turn of Events falls safely into the inoffensive median of all Dream Theater albums. There are a few things to like; the organic production and the classic sound of Rodess’s keys are pretty nice, and tracks like opener “On the Backs of Angels” and short ballad “Far from Heaven” recall the band’s finer moments, but they aren’t quite enough to save the album from DT’s typical penchant for boredom-inducing longevity. In conclusion, while Dream Theater’s latest may please some longtime fans willing to hear the same-old song and dance again, it simply won’t reconvert those of us who just don’t care anymore.

   Overall: 5.75/10 (Mediocre)

Chthonic - Takasago Army [2011]

Chthonic's Mirror of Retribution was a highly praised release that I missed, so I was curious to hear this new album, Takasago Army. For those unfamiliar with the band, they play a style of melodic death/black metal somewhat comparable to old Dissection, but with added folk and oriental influences (and one huge difference to be described later). Sometimes the oriental parts work, sometimes they don't. When they don't, it's usually when they're clearly used as a gimmick to make the band seem different. However, I must give credit where credit is due, as they do sometimes add interesting parts to an otherwise samey experience. Opening instrumental "The Island" is admittedly beautiful, as is the interlude near the end; I just wish we had some better songs to go along with them.

That's Chthonic's most substantial difference from Dissected right there: songs that are actually memorable. Sure, you can throw as many chanting folk parts and great, heavy riffs as you want on a song, but they won't mean a damn thing if there's nothing to tie them all together. "Kaoru" is a perfect example; it starts off promisingly enough, but just drones on, forgetting where it began and losing all my interest in the process. "Takao," "Broken Jade," and "Mahakala" all disappoint in a similar way. I'd say there are only three songs actually worth hearing on this album. True opener "Legend of the Seediq" has an attention grabbing chorus, as does "Southern Cross," but "Oceanquake" is the clear winner with its atmospheric mastery. If the whole project had been like this song, it might have been a masterpiece.

The other tracks aren't necessarily bad, just entirely unremarkable. What's even worse is that all the best tracks come in the first half of the album, making it that much harder to listen to the whole album. This causes a painless 40 minute run time to drag for what feels like a lifetime. It's just another ailing factor to add onto all the other ones for this dull experience. I'm not sure if Chthonic has drastically changed since their last album, or if all the hype over Mirror of Retribution was merely false (as it often is). To be honest, however, nothing I heard from Takasago Army caused any eagerness in me to find out. I guess I just have to accept that this is yet another band which floats many people's boats while keeping mine safely motionless at port.

   Overall: 5.5/10 (Mediocre)

Evergrey - Glorious Collision [2011]

For playing music in such a forgivingly positive genre, Evergrey seems to take on a strange number of naysayers, a legion of nemeses who hate the band's work with every fabric of their beings; and although I may not be a radical in this anti-Evergrey movement, I will say that the majority of Evergrey's output is weak and unnecessary power metal. The only difference now is that they aren't even power metal anymore. Glorious Collision is a mess of an album that resembles modern rock more than it resembles anything the band has done before. With the inferior quality that has been perpetuated by this band for years, one must surely think that a little change might be just what the doctor ordered. However, with the interminable session of mediocrity that this album spews forth, it might be best to pull the plug here and now.

When I say "modern rock," I don't mean that it follows the current flow of worthless, upbeat, radio-friendly bands like Nickelback. No, this has more in common with the slower, understated genre, i.e. the one that won't make you regurgitate your guts on the floor while listening to it. Evergrey certainly doesn't impress anywhere on this disc, but I guess it could have been worse. These are simplistic, rather slow pieces built with whiny guitar and a heavy reliance on choruses. Unfortunately, the choruses often falter, and some are just bad (see: "Wrong," "Restoring the Loss"). Tom Englund is the most controversial part of the band and an interesting vocalist in his own right. He's not bad, but he lacks range and power, sounding more like an American Idol winner than a real metal vocalist. "You" is definite proof of this, a worthless commercial number lacking any point but to make a quick buck. Considering who they are and what they play, why did they think this would work?

If you're desperate to find highlights, I suppose opener "Leave It Behind Us" is a pretty decent arena anthem, and the semi-balladic "The Phantom Letters" creates a pretty good atmosphere. This may seem like a sparse writeup, but that directly reflects Evergrey's latest effort: there simply isn't much here to warrant its gratuitous length. Who would want this many tracks from a band with so little imagination? Despite the change of style, Glorious Collision is directly on par with its predecessors. You'd think the band would either get better or worse with this release. Go figure. To conclude, this isn't the most worthless, phoned-in album I've heard this year, but even if you like this watered down style of music, you could do much better. Only for the most loyal fans of Evergrey and hard rock.

   Overall: 5.25/10 (Mediocre)

Stratovarius - Destiny [1998]

Another year, another Stratovarius album, and another step on the incremental decline. Visions was one level down from Episode, and Destiny is yet another level down from that. This is the album that prompted my series of down to Earth reviews of Stratovarius albums, since everyone seems to believe that their 90's albums are the greatest things to ever exist. The truth is that most of them are completely average and that some are even bad. The fact that many believe this to be their best album is a complete joke, because Destiny is barely any better than Infinite, which is considered a major downfall. I hate to sound like a power metal hater, because that's mostly not what I am; I just hate it when a band keeps releasing the same album every year when that album isn't even that good anyway.

Destiny is basically just Visions Pt. 2, except that it's a lot worse. Why, you ask? A more appropriate question would be where to start. First off, I can tell something's wrong right from the beginning. Two ultra-long tracks? Uh oh. If you've heard Visions or read my review for it, then you know that Stratovarius doesn't know how to do epic songs. Nothing's changed here; Destiny and Anthem of the World are totally boring and pointless throughout. I deem the latter to be worse than anything on Infinite, a horrible environmental message that goes about nine minutes too far. Even worse is the fact that these songs are the first and last tracks of the album, making Destiny feel like an eternity despite the fact that it is one of Stratovarius's shorter albums.

In between those lackluster time-wasters, the rest of the tracks are not much better. No Turning Back is trademark Stratovarius: reusing the exact same idea yet again, with simple, repetitive verses that lead to an even more boring chorus. There's nothing novel or nostalgic about this; it's just done to dirt, over and over again. Rebel follows suit, another freaking identical song with the same structure, same bad, typical power metal lyrics, and same over-the-top cheesy chorus. How people make it through albums like this without getting bored is beyond me, and it's barely halfway over. Years Go By is the obligatory power ballad, complete with that same verse you've heard a million times before that leads into that same old chorus. Dull, uninspired, pointless... All these words come to mind. God, just let it end!

Highlights? Fewer than ever before, although the scant amount of them really are good. S.O.S. is beyond excellent, presenting the album's only good lyrics. Kotipelto actually sounds like he gives a damn for once, chanting his way through the awesome, buoyant chorus. Playing With Fire is good only in a classic, bad 80's way, as this thing screams hair metal in every way. Somehow it's a highlight.
The only stab at creativity here is the unique Venus in the Morning, actually breaking out some progressive and strange sounding stuff. I have a feeling that this is one of those that's only good because there's nothing else here like it. Ballad 4000 Rainy Nights is decent, but I liked it much better when Queensryche did it eight years before (Seriously, Another Rainy Night? Come on.) The rest is completely weak and lifeless.

Why am I even surprised anymore? This seems to happen every time with Stratovarius; they get one good album with good ideas and then reuse that album and those ideas with less and less success with each subsequent release. The fact that Destiny is only slightly below par for Stratovarius is pretty sad, because the material here is mostly worthless. This thing gets worse every time I hear it, and I wouldn't listen to Destiny again. It may not be Fourth Dimension bad, or even bad in a complete sense, but it just goes on and on in an interminable fashion. From the very first second it starts playing, you just want Destiny to end, and you shouldn't want that from a good album, obviously. When will people wake up and realize that there is virtually no difference between this and what fans deem to be the worst albums? Never.

   Overall: 5.5/10 (Mediocre)