Battle Beast - Steel [2011]

In the case of Battle Beast's debut full length Steel, the cover art perfectly depicts the music beneath it. The image is amateurish, looking as if a middle schooler lost in a fantasy world sketched it on his desk in the middle of chemistry, not realizing that he is restricting himself in the intelligence department by not paying attention in the process. Couple that with the desperately "metal" logo and band name, and one could surmise that this is somebody who has dreams that far surpass his ability to actually make them come true. Well, this band is no different. Battle Beast plays a bare bones 80's heavy metal style with some anthemic keyboards sprinkled underneath, and the results mostly end up faring just as cheesily as its laughable cover. This is simply stupid power metal at its most unremarkable.

Built upon mid-paced riffs that are liberally borrowed from the heydays of bands like Dio and Dokken, most songs on Steel completely fail to stand apart from one another. Combine that with the mind-numbingly repetitive choruses (most evident on the painful "The Band of the Hawk"), and the charm the album exudes during its first half quickly fades into oblivion with its second. In the midst of this hairspray-polluted fairyland, only female vocalist Nitte Valo provides a convincing performance, putting forth just as much power, grit, and range as any man could, even if her voice does sound a bit overwrought at times. Unfortunately, her inspiration just makes the ridiculously juvenile lyrics more disappointing. I'm sorry, but I'd personally like to see more effort than songs titled "Justice and Metal" (chorus repeated ad nauseum) and "Enter the Metal World." We get it; you're a fucking metal band. Grow up.

Granted, the album does have a few strengths, mostly coming in the form of some songs several cuts above the rest. "Armageddon Clan" strikes with a fierce power missing from the rest of the mix, and I must reluctantly admit that the title track is insanely catchy despite its lyrics making me want to hurl. "Victory" is a memorable closer, going for a subtler power than the other tracks. However, the highlights are simply too sparse to warrant listening to this again. Steel is a mildly enjoyable album upon first listen, but in its attempt to win me over with repetition, its overly insistent onslaught of melody only drives me away from it. I can see how this brand of empty-headed metal might appeal to those looking for a good time, but for me, the proceedings are a just a tad too dumb. Maybe next time will be different.

   Overall: 5/10 (Mediocre)