Morbid Angel - Illud Divinum Insanus [2011]

Okay, so everyone already knows the "hype" surrounding Morbid Angel's first album since Heretic, which was released way back in 2003. Titles such as "worst album ever," "pathetic crap pile," and "electonic abomination" have been flung at it faster than any other release in recent memory. But hey, maybe that's just the fanboys, right? Maybe that's just all the anticipation and expectation talking. Well, I decided to conduct a little experiment. I, a completely unbiased spectator of Morbid Angel, neither fan nor foe, and not a listener of any of their previous efforts, tried my hand at reviewing Illud Divinum Insanus; and I can confirm, undoubtedly, that it sucks. Absolutely, intolerably sucks in just about every way imaginable.

That's right: even judged purely on its own merits, it's that bad. It's almost like an intricately woven tapestry of suckage whose purpose is only to make us cringe at every putrid, cringe-inducing note. Its (few) highs are entirely mediocre and its (many) lows are offensive enough to affront all cultures that treasure any kind of quality. I apologize for the broad generalities, but I just can't get over how any band, big or not, could possibly think this was an acceptable final product. This music, if it can be called such, is free from any purpose or emotion apart than apathy. I can think of no other word to better describe the sentiment this album overtly reeks from.

The songs? Well, first we get the already infamous "Too Extreme!" I can pretty much assume the titles and lyrics of Illud Divinum Insanus were a sick joke, but this is one of three notable offenders. Most bands strive to impress and grab your attention with their openers, but I can only venture to guess that Morbid Angel instead opts to lower the bar to a point where further regression would be impossible. After a pointless intro, listeners are assaulted with bad industrial grooves and uninspired vocal lines. The lifeless mechanical drumming and soft, modern guitar tone take the song from awkward to downright embarrassing. Just imagine a hybrid of Rob Zombie and Static X, with Steel Panther's lyrics just to spice the toxic entre up another abysmal notch, and that's what you get. Unfortunately, that's not as funny as it sounds. The arguably even worse "Radikult" and "Destructos vs. the Earth" are practically identical.

It seems that some confusion has risen in thinking that every song plays out in this way, a belief that's fortunately false. Don't assume, however, that the other tracks are automatically so much better. The rest (barring the awful, obscure closer "Profundis-Mea Cupla") are by-the-numbers, all frills, no surprises death metal of the most mundaine sort. Sure, technically unbroken songs like "Blades for Baal," "Nevermore," and "10 More Dead" may sound passable upon first contact, but it doesn't take long for them to reveal themselves as the tired, derivitive efforts they are. At least the vocals and the admittedly decent production values strive for something more on these pieces. Everything else happens as you would expect.

The ultimate lowlights: the hilarious and no doubt unintentional similarity to "Smooth Criminal" in the underlying main riff of "Existo Vulgoré," the techno "kill a cop, kill a cop, cop" phrasing of "Radikult," and the ironic soccer stadium chant to introduce "I Am Morbid." Illud Divinum Insanus is one of those albums when the lowest points provide the most entertainment value from sheer comic relief. There's nothing at all entertaining about the rest. Finally, for those non-fans and wary-to-participate folks, I can only tell you this: Morbid Angel's latest is as bad as people say it is. Don't listen to it to fulfill your curiosity, don't listen to it for a laugh, and above all,  just don't listen to it. And now, back to X Japan!

   Overall: 2/10 (Abysmal)